Never in our lifetimes has there been such a turbulent shake up of all of our relationships and friendships as we’ve known them. From a lack of hugging to a surge in Zoom baby showers/birthday parties/quiz nights, everything we thought we knew about existing alongside each other has been thrown into chaos and new territory by a global pandemic and the ensuing lockdown.
We spoke to three women, all completely anonymously, about the impact 2020 (and these first few fleeting moments of 2021) have had on their sex lives. Because if there’s one thing we can be sure of, it’s that the events of the past year have left pretty much all aspects of our lives thoroughly dismantled…
“Me and my husband used to have sex, on average, a few times a week. Occasionally less on a busy week and more on holiday. At the beginning of lockdown we both struggled mentally and physically with having a new baby and working from home constantly. It seemed so hard to have a divide between day and evening and week and weekend as there was no structure and we just saw too much of each other to even want to have sex. It seemed like all the attractive qualities of each other as a mum or a professional had been switched out for annoying habits and boring conversations about dinner…which turns out…isn’t that sexy. We now plan a date night on a Friday to try and bring some spice back into our lockdown love life. We usually plan a three course meal and get a nice bottle of something to enjoy and then get out some retro board games before going to bed and spending some time together. It’s really nice to have something to look forward to at the end of the week. I even usually get changed and redo my makeup just so I feel more attractive. I find when we do have sex now it’s more intimate and less rushed as ultimately we have more time to enjoy being together rather than rushing around or squeezing in a quickie. I would far rather be sipping champagne together in the sun on a roof top restaurant in London rather than whipping up a carbonara in my kitchen with some lippy on but for the time being it is working and keeping our relationship alive”
“I’ve been pregnant since Jan 2020 so spent all three lockdowns either pregnant or with a newborn. Before I got pregnant we probably had sex twice a week. Sex dwindled when I got pregnant but we dabbled in the odd romp in my second trimester. Since our baby has been born we’ve started having sex again but not often. I’d either sleep or do chores when I’ve got spare time, and spending too much time together in lockdown has definitely shone a light on his more unappealing habits. I never knew till we spent every hour together that he uses the toilet for multiple uses. Work calls, social calls, a time to browse memes. So when he’s spent three hours in the loo and then comes to bed I’m like ‘Nah not for me thanks pal.’ Couples just aren’t meant to spend this much time together. No football, no gym, no coffees with the girls. We just have each other to look at, or the baby. I mean I love him, of course, but we weren’t built to spend 24 hours a day with each other. And the final nail in the coffin? I can’t get a wax so I’m either full bush or v patchy if I attempt a DIY wax – both make me feel very unsexy!”
“I started sleeping with someone new last summer when the restrictions eased, but before that I was single and had been relying on plenty of vibrator usage to get my fix. It’s long distance so the sex is sporadic, but when we’re together we can easily do it up to five times in one weekend. I’ve never really had sex with someone who is as confident as the guy I’m sleeping with; I’ve been spanked and had my hair pulled and it’s generally been a bit rougher (with full consent) which has been quite thrilling. We’ve been experimenting with toys like butt plugs, and are potentially going to invest in some rope and a whip. I’ve also been wearing more outfits and feeling a lot more confident with my body thanks to great sex. I’ve been really struggling with lockdown as it feels like I’d finally started having the sex I’d always wanted to have and now it’s been taken away. I really miss the closeness and feel quite lonely a lot of the time. We’ve been sexting whilst we’re apart and there’s been lots of dirty talk (although I definitely need to get better at that as I still find myself going very red!).”