The third in our Sex Stories installment – this week we’re talking to Sophie*, who, after two unhappy marriages, finally found her libido in her late forties and now has multiple younger partners.
This is her story…
“I’m currently single and have been since my divorce in 2014 – when I was 43. I had two very long relationships in my 20s and 30s. Neither were particularly happy which was more to do with me not really having a clear sense of who I was or what I wanted which meant that I missed out on dating and casual sex. The latter relationship ended in a short and largely sexless marriage – there were a variety of reasons for that, but one of those was a health issue, which, when once it began to resolve, made me realise that I did want to have sex after all – just not with the guy I was married to.”
“Following the divorce, I tried online dating but soon realized I was still hurting – even though essentially it was what I wanted, it was still painful and I wasn’t in the right mental space. With that realization, I removed myself from Tinder and spent about five years getting my shit together – physically, mentally and spiritually.”
“In early 2019, I decided I was ready for some casual sex. Online dating had moved on somewhat and it soon became really clear that younger guys and older women was very much a thing. A lot of them were interested in BDSM (bondage and discipline, domination and submission, sadism and masochism), I guess because it is really having a hot minute.”
“I like elements of it – I like the sleaziness, and the dressing up. There are other women who enjoy being called a sub, having a dom, being owned, having to address their dom in a certain way, having rules, eating off the floor etc but I am very much not into that side of it. I have a lifelong interest in behaviour and linguistics, and am fascinated with what drives peoples’ behaviour, And, so, it’s the nuance and complexities of a BDSM interaction – exchange of power play, for example, which really piques my interest.”
“I tried Hinge, and then moved on to Feeld, and also dabble in Whiplr. My inbox is full of guys in their late twenties and early thirties wanting to hook up – either casually, or more long term. The only thing I dismiss out of hand, is one night stands. I find that sex is way more fulfilling if there is connection and chemistry, which simply cannot be established in one session.”
“I have sort of gone almost full circle, as with many things in my life: I had heavily restricted sexual activity/pleasure when I was younger, then a free for all while I experimented and explored and had some fun (though some awful bits too!) and now I have come back to a much smaller circle of guys I have sex with regularly.”
“I use role play scenarios in a couple of relationships, I have quite a few props – restraints, blindfolds, whips, nipple clamps, outifts etc. Spending money on risque lingerie has become something of a hobby which has stepped in to replace my old clothes shopping hobby. I watch porn, mostly to help give me inspiration which I combine with my own (rather vivid) imagination, and come up with ideas for future play sessions. Some of my play sessions are driven entirely by what that partner wants – down to me receiving instructions about how he should find me, what I should look like and the kind of energy I should be channeling. Each of my play partners bring something different; and I adore them all in different ways.”
“One of the guys I play with is in an ENM (ethical non-monogamy) relationship, one has a very demanding career and can’t (or rather, I suspect, won’t) commit to a relationship. Another is a Cambridge University student and a couple are online only. The common thread is that they mostly want no-strings attached arrangements. So, whilst I see some fairly regularly, it is always against the backdrop of our sexual activity. None dip into the ‘what did you have for dinner?’ monotony – and this, for me at least, is what keeps them fresh, focused and exciting.”
“I don’t seek anything from my interactions beyond sexual pleasure and personal fulfillment, and I think that’s the key to this – and where women often go wrong – they want the casual sex to turn into something more and are seeking validation from the interactions.”
“I’m into the idea of a group of guys in a gang bang situation, with me restrained and them basically taking it in turns – I hope to indulge this fantasy once places like sex dungeons are open again. I have hard limits and always discuss these along with my requirements for safe sex ahead of any physical interaction. It doesn’t mean that I condone violence against women – I think some people don’t get that and make the false equivalence that if you like rough sex, it means you cant be a feminist and this simply isn’t true.”
“I would say my sex life is pretty perfect as things are: I am single, which I love, and the casual sex that I have is safe, respectful and thoroughly enjoyable – I am not moaning to my friends about my partner who doesn’t know how to make me orgasm/doesn’t communicate effectively/never picks up his dirty socks/doesn’t do his fair share with the kids – I know not all relationships are like this, but many are.”
“I have considered escorting (partly because I needed an income during Covid when my business ground to a halt), but decided against it because I still work in the corporate world and some people are still incredibly stuffy about sex. Only Fans is still a possibility – as much as anything I think I would enjoy the exhibitionism – I just need to plan how to reveal enough of myself for it to be appealing, whilst retaining anonymity.”
“I’m a high achiever, with a big salary and a successful life. And, at 50, I am not weighed down by societal convention – I have chosen my child-free life, I am not obsessed with how much I weigh or what clothes size I am, I know what I like and am not afraid to ask for it.”
You can read more of our Sex Stories here.