This month we’re talking to Hollie* for the fourth instalment in our Sex Stories feature. Hollie* is 24 and has been with her current boyfriend for three years. This is her story…
“I met my boyfriend – we’ll call him R – on Tinder after my friend cancelled on a night out and a flat car battery scuppered his plans of driving home at the end of the university term. We were both looking for a way to spend the evening, we matched and, approximately two saucy messages later, I was on my way round to his.”
“That evening set the bar for our sex life. We attempted civilised conversation for around two minutes before deciding to screw the formalities and get down to why we were there – and the following twelve hours did not disappoint. We spent the whole night having wildly varying types of sex. From animalistic, biting the pillows, covered-in-sweat fucking to much more sensual and slow love-making (although honestly, I hate that phrase). Not the most safe-for-work meet cute, but I wouldn’t change a moment of it.”
“During post-sex recovery breathers, Netflix, and pizza, R and I got to know each other. We had this instantaneous connection and immediate, unspoken trust. So much so that in the throes of passion I decided to suggest anal – something that I had attempted only once before and hated so much that it was an extremely short-lived affair. Looking back, I have absolutely no idea what was going on in my head (beyond the oxytocin, dopamine and serotonin pumping through my system), but that one evening made me a convert for life.”
“Our not-so-innocent meet up developed into a relationship of three years and counting. One of the best parts of my relationship with R is that we have grown and learned together. Now, my sex life strikes a wild balance between submission and domination, with us both taking turns at each. Whereas I used to hate not being in control, I’ve now embraced being submissive and find it incredibly empowering to let go of everything.”
“On the flip side, you can find me dominating my boyfriend on a pretty regular basis too. What started as a hesitant exploration of his taint (perineum) with my tongue has gradually developed into fully-fledged pegging (when a woman penetrates a man with a strap-on). What’s particularly magical about pegging is that it is an act we can both experience. Though he is unlikely to ever know what it’s like to have a vagina and I am equally unlikely to know the sensation of having a penis, we can both experience the same feeling of anal stimulation. I can categorically state that there is nothing as exciting or erotic as watching your partner writhe in pleasure in exactly the same way that you do. Of course, there’s also an incredible feeling of power, especially when you know that the person you love trusts you to that extent. Lots of lube is recommended, as is a dildo with a harness, even if you’re going for a double-ended one for mutually assured satisfaction.”
“I think the variety of our sex life is a significant reason why we still have sex six or seven times a week on average, three years in. It’s only possible thanks to the absolute trust and respect we have for one another, incredibly important qualities that were missing from my previous relationships.”
“I grew up in an immensely sexually repressed household; my religious, divorced mother made it clear that having sex before marriage made you tainted, unwanted goods. Sex was the ultimate taboo topic, and as an outgoing teenager, being overt about my sexuality was the obvious way to rebel.”
“I bounced from toxic relationship to toxic relationship, starting with my first ever boyfriend, who was mentally and sexually abusive. After him, I seemed to run into the arms of people who could see my damage and wanted to exploit it. For many years, even in ‘normal’ relationships, having sex was not for my enjoyment, but a performance carefully designed to please my partner. I hated the moments where I was enjoying sex, particularly because I found I loved being submissive. I thought that there was something absolutely perverted about enjoying being thrown around or pinned to the bed when the actions so closely mirrored my experience of assault. And so, the relationship between my self-worth and sex worsened.”
“My turning point came when I was single. I had a couple of one night stands but the sex was shit and the lack of good options prompted me to explore masturbation for the first time. The process was liberating. Though I wasn’t particularly good at it, exploring my body purely for the purpose of my own pleasure was a significant milestone in healing my relationship with myself and with sex.”
“Meeting R was another turning point – his support and our relationship have been instrumental in helping me come to terms with my past and learn how to have an unbelievably good sex life, both now and in the future. I am thrilled by how far I have come.”
You can read the rest of the features in our Sex Stories line-up here.
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