We know you guys love reading our Sex Stories feature, which is why we’re hoping to make them even more regular than ever before – you can expect a new one to land on-site once a fortnight.
This week we’re chatting to Heidi* who is 30, and has been with her partner for three years. They have a ‘Stag and Vixen’ sexual relationship, which is where the male watches his female partner have sex with other men.
This is Heidi’s story…
“I knew my partner – we’ll refer to him as ‘S’ – vaguely through school friends, but I was never interested and although I always made chat with him, I would always ignore him when the request of a date came up. Flash forward four years and a bad break-up and I joined Tinder looking for a bit of fun without commitment. We matched and went on a date two days later. We quickly progressed from being ‘friends with benefits’ to something more serious, and three years later we’re engaged with a baby on the way.”
“From the start we were quite open with each other about what our boundaries were and what fantasies we might be interested in exploring. And, four months in we had joined a well-known swinging site asking for other guys to come to our house and meet. Over the last two and a half years we have met guys for various experiences, ranging from a threesome to my partner watching me have sex with other men. We are what is called ‘stag and vixen’ in the swinging world, we only ever meet guys and they only play with me – my partner is straight and when we have threesomes it’s only ever about my pleasure. We never include other women in our sex life, so only meet single guys rather than couples.”
“I used to think that if you indulged in other people in a relationship, it couldn’t be based on love, but now I realise that for me and S, it’s the opposite. Our love, as well as his trust in me, is that only way we can do these things. He knows it’s just sex and all my emotional connections are with him, and him alone. However, I am not comfortable with him meeting other women which feels a bit hypocritical, but ultimately we only do the things that both of us take pleasure from and he gets off on watching me with other guys whereas the same would not be the case in reverse. I think that makes it harder for people to understand.”
“Obviously with the pandemic we haven’t been able to meet other guys for the past year or so, which has meant that side of our sex life has taken a hit. However, we are now expecting a little one so our sex life isn’t as active as I’m too tired and uncomfortable most nights. We tend to enjoy more solo pleasures, I love watching him masturbate (which I know sounds odd to most people) and on weekends will happily stay downstairs having a nap on the sofa to allow him some solo time upstairs to watch porn. Occasionally S will do it at work and send me a NSFW video, which I love.”
“I probably have solo fun four times a week at the moment as I find it much easier than having sex. I’m just too big to comfortably move around on the bed and we can only manage certain positions thanks to the bump. My partner isn’t home from work until 8pm and often I’m ready for bed by then, whereas I’m hom much earlier and I find masturbation a great way to relax after working. I only ever use my hand and never toys as that’s never been the best way for me to get off.”
“In an ideal world we would be back at it 3-4 times a week, including other guys on occasion. Ideally we would meet once per month with a different guy each time to offer us something different. Our next step for me is to meet solo with other guys to build up some chemistry to see how that impacts our experiences – at present, we invite guys round to our house so we meet them together and decide then and there what activities (if any!) we would like to do with them. We are always looking at ways to build our sex life and I can’t wait to see where we go with it.”
“The inclusion of other guys would previously made me feel cold and unloved, however since meeting my current partner it’s opened my eyes and now I love it. I feel empowered, loved, trusted, and I know that if at any time I were to want this to stop, S would support that. I think that is important too – this is an addition to our sex life and I truly see it that way rather than being an essential part of it. Either of us can say no at anytime. I’m not ashamed of my sex life but I do keep it strictly private to me and my partner – not a single person who knows us knows this side of our sex life, not even my best friends who I tell everything else to. It still feels taboo and I worry my friends just won’t get it and will think I’m not loved by my partner (and it shouldn’t matter what they think, but it does).”
You can read the rest of the features in our Sex Stories line-up here.
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