Welcome to our fortnightly Sex Stories feature where we anonymously interview women about the realities of their sex lives. This week we’re talking to 30-year-old Laura* who hasn’t had sex since her relationship broke down five years ago.
Here’s her story…
“Throughout the last 10 – 15 years of my life I’ve been in a cycle of being in a relationship, devoting my whole life to that person and then getting my heart ripped out of my soul. I’m a romantic, fantasist, someone who falls in love hard and fast and finds it difficult to imagine my life without that person.”
“I lost my virginity really young at age 13, and at the time felt like it was a burden to me and something I was desperate to get rid of. It was a horrible experience fuelled on straight vodka with a boy my age, who genuinely the largest dick I’ve ever had, although my perception may have just been skewered. I’ve felt a lot of shame over the years about how old I was and how I lost my virginity, but do realise it was very much to do with peer pressure and feeling it was something I needed to do to fit in. I went on to have a thriving sex life, having a one night stand every weekend with a different boy in our small town.”
“I’d have a few female interactions, but it wasn’t until I was about age 18 or 19 that I dated a girl. I’ve dated males and females and have only ever climaxed being with women (but I’ve been with a lot more men).”
“As someone who’s struggles with my sexuality, has an incredibly low self esteem, suffers from social anxiety and awkwardness as well as obsessive traits and a deep rooted fear of dating sites and getting hurt, it doesn’t exactly make a winning combination to date or even score myself a casual hook up. I’ve spent years working on the relationship with myself, my body and working on self-love, but I’m just not there yet and the thought of an almost complete stranger seeing my body makes me want to crawl under a rock and never resurface. I can’t bring myself to even like people on dating sites, let alone respond to messages or arrange a date with someone.”
“The last time I had sex was with my ex – we broke up about five years ago. I could tell something wasn’t right with her, but didn’t for one second think we would break up. We were drunk and I was spooning her and then I just started to play with her nipples and then one thing led to another. I remember feeling really sad afterwards and just holding each other all night.”
“I would say that when I’m actually having sex I’m pretty adventurous in the bedroom. I enjoy sex, I enjoy exploring bodies and I love making people cum. I love the idea of meeting a stranger and hooking up with them or having a threesome with another woman and a man. I often fantasise about meeting people and there being a mutual connection and not being able to keep our hands off each other.”
“I’ll often masturbate and enjoy watching porn, however sometimes I feel that it may just make me more comfortable with my abstinence. I’m watching unrealistic models and feel happy with how well I can pleasure myself and don’t feel the need for someone to do it for me.”
“I’d love to initially be able to just get the confidence up to speak to someone first, go for a drink and then if things lead somewhere I’d love to just have sex with a stranger. To know that I’m not an alien, that I may be a bit damaged, but I can still do it and there’s people who aren’t repulsed by me and my body.”
“I’m very grateful for all other aspects of my life. I love adventure and travel and don’t feel scared to try new things. I have amazing friends and family. As with many people I’ve spent bouts feeling anxious and low, but spend a lot of energy working on always finding the positive in everything and being grateful, whether that be seeing the stars, spotting a cute dog or just my favourite bottle being on special offer.”
You can read more in our Sex Stories feature here.