Hello and welcome to our Sex Stories feature. If you’re new around here then let us fill you in: once a fortnight we interview one of our readers – completely anonymously – to talk about their sex life, especially the parts they often feel like they have to hide from other people.
We want to normalise that sex lives don’t always look the way we were brought up expecting them to, and that they often come in a variety of shapes, positions and partner set-ups.
This time round we’re talking to Daisy*, a 33-year-old who has been in a long-term relationship with her boyfriend for seven years.
This is her story…
“I met my current boyfriend on Tinder while living in London seven years ago. Up until then I was the girl in the friendship group who was notoriously single and constantly meeting new guys. I loved being single. I flourished as single. I loved the independence, the freedom and most of all I LOVED the sex. The excitement, the thrill, the chase of meeting and being with a new guy was a drug to me and all my friends knew it. I was known for picking guys who didn’t want a commitment, the more red flags the better. I went to sex clubs, orgies and threesomes on an average Saturday night. I could easily have several different hook ups in one day. At one point I considered becoming an escort. I was broke, living in London and had an insanely high sex drive, so why not?!”
“And then I met T. It was love at first sight. He wasn’t my usual type but he seemed kind, grounded and honest so I swiped right. It became pretty clear after a couple of dates that we came from two different worlds in terms of sexual experience. He came from years of long serious relationships, I came from long serious sex sessions. So I hid a lot of my history from him. I pretended to be vanilla, plain and maybe a bit shy and inexperienced.”
“At the start we were only seeing each other 1-2 times a week because we lived on opposite sides of London so really it worked out well. We had sex several times when we saw each other and then on the other days I was seeing my vibrator. Six months into our relationship I started taking the pill for the first time in my life – at this point we were exclusive. We were going away together for the first time, camping, and I didn’t want to get my period in the middle of the woods. So at the age 26, I popped a mini pill in my mouth and without realising it, my new life began.”
“My biggest concern was suddenly getting hormonal acne, or mood swings. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that my sex drive would just vanish completely. I didn’t even really want to be touched, even cuddles were an effort. I would find any excuse to avoid sex: migraines, stomach ache, sensitive boobs and the classic – being tired. I felt bad for T.”
“He really tried to make it work for me in the beginning. He kept asking what my fantasies were and if there was anything I wanted in bed. He encouraged me to dress up, to feel sexy but I just felt anything but. It’s like somebody had turned off my sex button. After a while I think he gave up, and started only focusing on what he wanted in bed and I get it because I would probably have done the same. But that suddenly meant that we could only have sex if I dressed up in sexy lingerie and if sex felt like a chore before it certainly did now. It had suddenly become this huge ordeal that needed planning and effort.”
“At the start of this year, T and I decided we wanted to get fertility tests done in preparation for having children. This meant I had to come off the pill, and within three days I felt like I was living again. So many things changed in my body but the most significant and noteworthy – my sex drive came back with a vengeance. I can only relate it to being a desperate horny teenager. I dropped £200 on new sex toys for me, and for us. My energy levels were up, I suddenly felt sexy again. It’s like my entire body has awoken again. I have no other way of explaining. I feel alive.”
“It’s taken T a while for him to catch up to me and for him to see this is who I actually am and that it’s not going anywhere. I felt we were growing apart even though we really weren’t. We are now almost eight months into our new fresh start (which is what we are calling it) and even though he still doesn’t know of my previous sexual escapades, I have introduced thespicier version of me into the bedroom. New toys, taking more of dominant role instead of being more submissive and I get on top now (which never happened on the pill). I can easily be waiting naked in heels for him when he comes home from work, or surprise him in the middle of the day with a blowjob while he doing the dishes. Now we have sex twice a week, it’s what he has energy, time and sex drive for, but I still masturbate every day (sometimes up to three times) with a mixture of toys and hands. It’s miles from where we were which is so nice but as time goes on I still don’t feel sexually fulfilled.”
“In an deal world I would have sex once a day at the very least. I have come to realize with getting my sex drive back that as much as I love and adore my boyfriend and I want to spend the rest of my life with him – I also want to have sex with other guys. I miss the chase, the excitement and the rush of being with a new guy. If you had asked me six years ago, I couldn’t think of anything worse than having an open relationship. Now it’s all I can think about. I miss threesomes and orgies and I don’t know if that will ever change, well..unless I start taking the pill again!”