Not too long ago, whilst sipping at piping hot frothy coffees, me and Gem entered into a discussion about all the things we would do differently if we could have our time with newborns again. The joy of hindsight, eh? We chatted through the products we wish we’d bothered buying, the things we wish we’d never spent money on and the advice we wish we’d ignored.
Obviously this is going to be unique to each mother exploring their own fourth trimester journey, but these are the things we wish we’d do differently if we had another baby…
Hannah: “I remember when I first announced my pregnancy with my second baby on Instagram and almost immediately a pushchair company reached out and offered me a trial of one of their twin designs. I remember at the time feeling grateful but thinking ‘but my eldest child will be nearly three (!!!!) when the baby is born, he doesn’t need to be in a pushchair!”. How fucking naive. Yes, my eldest child could walk and run perfectly well, but he wasn’t on board with the kind of long walks around my local area that my newborn needed to settle down and sleep. I wish I’d bought a twin pushchair. Even just a cheap secondhand one on Facebook Marketplace for days when we all desperately needed fresh air (and to escape the house, hello lockdown) but my three-year-old was too tired and over it to use his legs.”
Gemma: “My first child was born early weighing a teeny 5lb 6oz and spent the first five days of his life in special care. For a good few months, he struggled to gain weight and I dreaded going to the weigh-in clinic. At yet another check-in where he wasn’t gaining enough, the health visitor told me I should breastfeed him every 1.5 hours, 24 hours a day even though it would be “very hard for me”. As a first-time mum in the the grip of newborn anxiety, I felt that I had to listen to every piece of advice given to me by a medical professional, so I did it. Within two days my son had gone from being a content, happy baby to a very upset one with terrible wind. When I reached out for advice, a friend who’d become a mum a year or so before me gave me an invaluable piece of advice which I now pass on to any new mums – “I can’t stress enough how your instinct is the best yardstick”. Mother’s instinct is real – yes, there will be situations where you absolutely need professional help and advice, but second time round, I trusted my gut a lot more.”
Hannah: “Not so much a regret with both kids as I did invest before the second one arrived, but the first time round I wish I’d known about haakaa breast pumps. They cost under £15, can be snapped up on Amazon Prime and if, like me, you have a milk oversupply, are the easiest way to pump milk. You simply suction it to the nipple you’re not feeding with, whilst you breast feed your baby, and voila, it pulls out the excess milk without any pumping actually needed. So good.”
Gemma: “With my first baby, I was desperate to show him off to anyone who wanted to come round. With my second, I was a bit more choosy with who I allowed to come round. If we ever had a third, I’d probably just go home, lock the door and not let anyone else in – unless they came bearing delicious food and left after 10 minutes – and take the time to get used to our new family unit, just us. There’s plenty of time for everyone to meet the babe – don’t rush it if you don’t want to.”
Hannah: “I combi-fed both my kids and wish I’d invested in the much-loved Tommee Tippee Perfect Prep machine to help prepare bottles of formula at the perfect temperature in less than two-minutes. As much as you can just crack on and use freshly boiled water and then wait the excruciating 10-15 minutes for it to cool down enough as to not burn your baby’s mouth, this would have saved a whole lot of crying…from both of us.”
Gemma: “While I was quite thrifty with my first baby anyway and bought a lot of things on sale (who knew everything was so expensive?) with my second, I was all about hand-me-downs and secondhand treasures – the only piece of clothing I bought for Mabel was an adorable hand-knitted cardigan from Facebook Marketplace. You soon realise how quickly they’re out of things (£100 Sleepyhead cushion, I’m looking at you) which means that most pre-loved pieces will be in very good, if not immaculate condition. This is especially true of coats and shoes when they get a little older. If you do buy new, baby items tend to have a great resale value, so you’ll definitely get something back when the time comes to part with them.”
Hannah: “I remember with my first baby I really, really struggled to nap during the day. He was breastfed until three months and for those three months all the night feeds were on me and I was exhausted. I felt real pressure to not do anything to jeopardise his latch or breastfeeding connection and that anxiety stopped me drifting off. I feared that the minute I closed my eyes he would need me. With my second and I threw that pressure on myself straight out the window. I’d hand over the baby to my partner and say: ‘If he needs milk, there’s breast milk in the fridge or failing that there’s formula in the cupboard.’ I’d put on my eye mask and my ear plugs and take a glorious hour or two to recharge ready to go again. My mental health was so much better for it.”
Gemma: “I’m yet to meet a person who has given that is immune to the dreaded “mum guilt” (interesting that “dad guilt” isn’t a thing, isn’t it?) First time round, it could sometimes get a little all-consuming, but this time, I’m trying my best to let it go. Taking the time to drink a coffee/have a shower/do a workout doesn’t mean I love my children any less – it makes me a better mum. Newborns sleep most of the time anyway – something I definitely took more advantage of with my second bubba.”
Gemma: “I remember being obsessed with how quickly my son hit his milestones – why wasn’t he crawling/walking/talking yet? With my daughter, whilst I still find myself comparing her to other babies her age when we go to classes, I’m a lot more relaxed about it all. She’ll get there in her own time, and I’ll only moan about how I can’t get anything done because she’s always on the move once she does.”
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