Hello lovely readers! And welcome to our regular feature where we speak to women (anonymously, of course) about the nitty gritty details of their sex lives. You can find all our past interviews here.
Today, we’re chatting to Jess* who is 30-years-old and currently trying to fall pregnant with her first child. This is her story…
“I’ve been married to my husband – let’s call him R* – for two years, and together for eight. We got married in the midst of the pandemic with 20 of our closest people. Not the wedding we had planned or envisioned, but it was by far the happiest and best day of our lives. In fact, our families and friends still talk about how special the day was. “
“Before R*, I had only sex with one other man. I was at university and it only happened once. I had done oral and hand stuff with others but I was always quite particular I didn’t want to actually want to have penetrative sex with any of them.”
“R* and I were friends first, then when the chemistry became too much for us we gave it a go and, from that first movie on the sofa, we haven’t had much time apart. For eight years our sex life has been pretty damn good and he’s given me more confidence than I thought possible – both in bed and out of it. He helped me get therapy for my life-long depression and supports me constantly when I ride that wave. We have got to a point in our life together where many expect us to be at this point. Married, dog parents, home-owners, stable jobs. We’re ready for babies.”
“We’ve always been really regular with sex, and tend to have it 3-4 times a week unless I’m on my period. In the early days, I spent money on posh lingerie but I quickly realised he just preferred me naked. We have anal sex and enjoy light bondage, and, occasionally I like to be choked. It’s nothing too wild but I wouldn’t say we’re vanilla, although there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that – vanilla sex can be the most satisfying!”
“I was on the copper coil for five years, until early 2022, and I wondered what baby-making would do to the enjoyment of sex. I didn’t want to lose the intimacy and closeness it gives us as a couple. We decided to start just seeing what happened. No rules, no schedule, no ovulation sticks.”
That, of course, didn’t last long.”
“We’re still having a lot of fun. I was worried initially because the essential part of baby making is the man having an orgasm. But R* is excellent at giving me regular, head-spinning orgasms before he has his. That way it’s fun for both of us and it’s not just about his enjoyment whilst we’re trying to make a baby. It’s mutual, loving, wild and sometimes dirty – just like our relationship. I’d say making a baby that way is pretty great. We’re still only six months into trying to conceive, so hopefully it’ll happen soon and we’ll be into the next phase of life, but for now we’re trying our best to see the positive side of a negative pregnancy test as another month of the fun we know we’re really good at. “
“We’re currently having sex every two days – even outside of the ovulation window. I’d say we’re having the same amount of sex now as we ever have but because we’re sort of planning it it’s more obvious to us!”
“If I’m honest, I rarely masturbate. I’ve only got a little bullet that we bought together to play with but I find my fingers do a very good job. I know what I like and I can give myself an orgasm quickly so sometimes that’s a great stress reliever. I’d say once a month, usually in bed when R* isn’t around I have some time to myself to masturbate. But there have been occasions after sex where he made me come, I made him come and he’s gone to clean himself and I just feel there’s another one there for me. It’s a wonderful thing to be blessed with multiple orgasms.”
“Where do I see our sex life headed in a year? Either we’ll still be trying, I’m pregnant or we have a newborn…all of the above result in a different sex life. But that’s the way things go, things change and that’s OK!”
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